Another night bites the dust and I was up for most of it. As of late, I’ve almost breached sunrise more nights than I can account. Maybe my mind is screaming you got shit to do why are you tryna sleep. FIX IT! Either way it’s annoying as hell and I really don’t feel like putting on concealer every morning because I have to not because I want to.
In a matter of a week, my job moved from Dumbo to Williamsburg. That same week, I found my own temporary sublet she-cave. Needless to say that much change at one time, I feel like I am mentally in the matrix. Feeling like the gun went off and I need to run like hell to the finish line – life can only really be processed in 24 hours right now. The questions what are you going to do next? Have you thought about blah blah blah… is only going in one ear and out the other. On top of walking out of a negative living situation, my job keeps laying people off every-time I look around. No security in my life what so fucking ever. Upside down, right side up, cup half empty or half full is a matter of perspective here.
Living with my back against the wall is a fucking drain. It makes you analyze everything at night, did I do enough today? Every aspect of my life is pretty much under fire. Maybe that’s probably why I can’t sleep. The uncertainty of tomorrow. Did I work on my dreams enough, did I make all the calls I needed to make, how much did I move the needle in the right direction? If not, rest is for the comfortable and I’m far from it. Yes, I’m probably gonna run myself into the ground but there will be success at the end of the rainbow.
The hamster is getting off the wheel and any 3am post is all about my uncensored life that I hardly ever talk about and try not think about.